Time After Time

Change, Change, Change, Change, Change, Change, Change. Its probably the one thing that scares me the most. It can never be avoided, it can never be determined, it can never measured, and it can never be stopped. It can be a good thing and a bad thing, wrapped up in a ball, and sent like a present. I  hate change! HATE with a passion. I never use the word hate but I must say, I truly hate it. I know people always say the word hate should be avoided by saying strong dislike. However, for change, I can not "strongly dislike" it. I must with all my power hate it! Hate it with everything possible in me.

Gandhi once said "Be the Change You Want To See In the World." One of my life time goals is to change the world. I know, it sounds pointless but I want to make this a better place. I want to change the way special needed children are treated in this world. I understand that society has gone a great deal since the time when children were forced to stay in house for having a handicap. But I think we can do more. I think society still needs to do more and it can! I want to be voice for them because they clearly can't. You never see the boy in a wheel chair at the Prom, unless you watch Glee. You never see the girl with downs being popular. Above all, you never see a single one of them in a upper position of a job. I want to change to this! I don't know how yet, but I know I want to.

Every summer seems to bring a new sense of change. It shows the true colors of the ones around you. Its a time when those around you will stay in touch or fade away. Summer allows for the bringing of new friends or the strengthening of those around you. For starters, summer changes the whole way of living. No more does everyone attend school and friends go separate ways for a period of time. We either move back with the parents, take an internship in other parts of the world, travel, stabilize our self, or we stay put. No longer are we able to live next to the ones we call our best friends or family. Summer also changes the relationships we have. It'll make them stronger or rip them apart. There is also the joy of summer flings. The three month relationships that truly have no meaning in them but to gain something that is lacked. 

Recently, I was told I have never changed by the person that means the most to me. However, she is wrong. I have changed. I hate to admit this but I have. Three years ago, my priorities were completely different. I can honestly say I really did care what people thought of me. Now, I'm not so sure. I use to take peoples opinions to heart and worried about the dumbest things. Right now, all I care about are four things: My job, My Running, My Education, and ------.

Besides my train of thought, I have change in the sense of growing up. I look back and realize that I did some childish things in life. I am by far not embarrassed, ashamed, or regret anything that I have done. Those childish things are my past and make me the person I am today. They allow for me to be me. However, I am glad that I have figured out what really matters to me. I'm not saying that I don't do stupid things or engage in something childish every now and then. I am just saying, I have figured out what the smartest thing for me to do is.

However, looking back, there are about three things that have not changed in my life. First ------ -----. She became a part of my life towards the downward portion of my high school career. We knew each other earlier in life but never fully knew each other tell my senior year. We have came and go but all ways find a way back. She's a positive influence in my life and I am very lucky to have her. I can honestly say I love that girl to death. However, we might not be the best thing for each other. Next, my religion. My religion places a major part in my up bringing. It is everything that I am. I am very blessed to have been brought up the way I was. I am not mad or regret my families's choice. Instead, I stand here, glad to say I am a Mormon. Lastly, my best friend Kaitlen! She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am blessed to have the best. She will always be there for anything!

One of the best songs of all time is Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper. She wrote about the greatness of changing through time to get back together. This song is one my favorite and it reminds me of a funeral. At one's funeral, you get a sense of the changes that occurred in one's life. The goods, the bads, and the in betweens.

Change will always be there. I can not escape it and instead I need to learn how to embrace it better. For the time being, we make the most out of what we got. We hold on to the things that make us a better person. We look at the phase we are in and grow from it. Here is the change. 

Highs of Life

The week of finals sees everything it. It sees late night study, test that are just extremely hard, packing, moving, farewells, new adventures, tears, joy, graduations, drunks, and everything else in between. For me, the only thing my final week doesn't see is a good run. I just a week, I was only able to run a total of three days. Three out of the seven got see the greatness I call a stress reducer. However, in just a week, I got a new way to get rid of all the stress. No its not partaking in any drugs or alcohol of any sort. Instead it is an old friend. Listen to them talk about their life, makes mine feel accomplished. The things that they talk about have already been done for me and I closed the door on whats called high school. However, it nice to get a change for a while. Its nice to know that I have already done so much and remember the greatness.

I was watching my favorite show last night: Grey's Anatomy. In season four, episode three, Meredith Grey explains that the things we hold on to, cling to, look for, and hope for are a high for us. They are the things that get us ready for the day and give us a high in life. I have been thinking, what are my highs. What are the things that make me want to live each day to the full potential. I have thought long and I have discovered the things that make me get up every day and make me better a person.

High number one: I want to save a life.
My main goal in life is to graduate with a degree in the medical field. The main reason for this is because I want to know that I made a difference in random people's life. I want to get up every morning eager to know that that day will mean something. I want to go to bed each night knowing that I have done everything in my power to change some one's life and that helped fight for the greatness of living.

High number two: RUNNING!!!
This high might be a love and hate relationship but running has done so much for in just a short time period. Running has showed me how to take care of my body, how to challenge my self, how to overcome some of the turfiest things possible, and has given me a social life. Running has given me the best friends possible! I have the most amazing group of friends ever. Even though this group will never be the same due to the fact that we have all gone different ways this year, I am still proud to call every single of them my friend. Running has allowed for me obtain an education, travel, meet new people, and given me a better out look on life.

High Number Three: Education
Education is probably the only thing I know how to do. I have been in school for most of my life. I have been striving to learn as much as I can in just twenty one years. I have been busting my butt to get the best grades I can possible get. Some times, I don't always get the highest grades, but I do try very hard for them. I try so hard and I get very nervous that none of will get accomplished but somehow it always does. I just want to get better and I want to succeed in life.

High Number Four: She who can not be named
I don't want people to know who this is but there has been someone in life that has done so much for me. She always finds a way to put a smile on my face and always seems to find a way in my life. I know that our lives might not meant to be together but we always find a way to make room for each other. She has done some amazing things for me and I am very great full for her

Here are the things I get up for everyday! I hope this can help you find the highs that get you ready for every day and help you fall asleep to.

S-T-R-E-S-S

Its that time of the year when every student must experience what is known as hell week. Hell week is the last week before a final. In most colleges, students get the joy of  DEAD WEEK. However, in a private school, dead week results in hell week! This is the week that everything that matters on your grade is due. This is the collection of work that makes ones grade or destroys it. This week shows every one's true colors. One will be either really dedicated to their work or not give a crap. This is probably the worst week of all weeks. Dead week is half way over for me and I already want to kill everything. Right now, I  am a fuse that is about to explode. Test here, Paper here, Lab report here, then paper there. The list goes on and I just don't think anything will get finished.

The rain has finally stopped and the sun has came out for a glimpse. In Montana, there is a saying: "If you don't like the weather at the moment, wait two to three hours and there is a possibility that it might be better." Weather is on going changing thing here. Good old Great Falls owns the record for the most change in weather in one day. Its recorded that the weather changed a whole 100 degrees one day. Right now, I would love to see an extra hundred degrees. However, sometimes the weather here is a good thing. When it is a negative and some odd degrees outside, it makes it easier to stay inside and get some work done. The bad fall is, no one in their right mind wants to run, let alone walk, in it.

Right now I'm sitting in a library trying to get some motivation to study for the first final of my semester and it is just not happening for me. Instead, I have Adele blasting in my ears and I just stare at all of the people trying to save their grades. The library is truly a biology majors' best friend because no matter what time of day it is, you will only find upper class men in it. You will never see freshmen here and therefore it is peaceful. You also don't see the ones that are not dedicated in here. The ones that want to be loud and ruin their grades wont be found in this place. Instead, the library gives you knowledge hungry people. People who want to learn everything possible.

Also, I can not study because all I can think about is one of my buddies. Last night probably was the worst night of his life. Something major happened to him and I don't think there is anything that I can do for him. I can not relate because this situation has never happened to me. I can't understand why people do terrible things to good people. I can not understand how to make his life a better place. I can not get over this. What happened to him is something I would never wish upon my biggest enemies any day. My heart just goes out to him and I want him to know that things will get better through time. Right now, all I can think about doing is making him everything that is in my house for him. They say food really heals the pain and I do believe that. Looks like I have some major cooking to do for him. Last night will be a night to stay with me for the duration of a life time.

For now, its time to cram some ecology in. Time to prepare for some stats. Finally, time to cram for the hardest week of my life. Lets hope I can stay a float this week

Puddle Jumping

Rain! It might just be the second worst thing that comes from the sky. It has that wetness feeling to it and even if it is just a mist, you will being feeling wet at some part. I know that might just be the nastiest thing to say but rain makes everyone wet. The worst thing about rain is, you can never find a way to be dry in it. However, in Montana, rain can be a good thing because it means that its not the coldest thing ever. Today, rain was the perfect thing ever. Rain was a refreshing thing. Rain seemed to make the day go by a little bit better.

Today just seemed liked a day of failure! Today made hard work crash down like the stock market in the 30's! I get so mad because I try so hard to get everything perfect! I try so hard in everything I do. Being a full time student, full time athlete and basically a full time employee is the hardest thing ever. I can't wait for about two more weeks to be over. Stress is in high bloom and I don't see it parting its ways soon enough. I am ready to be free of stress.  I tell my self that this shall all be over soon. The worst part of it is, running has become placed on the back burner. There is just not enough time in the day to get everything accomplished. The only thing going for is the fact that I get to watch rain fall down and wash everything away. Time to go run some puddles not just in the street but in the run of life. 

Death of Spokane

Being on a track team has it ups and downs. We all get the joy of being crammed into a bus and travel from one place to the next. Usually, a bus trip never has a problem for me due the greatness of sleep. On a good day, we load up, get going, and I pass out till its time to get off. However, this wasn't one of those trips. Instead, I can't sleep. So I watch a movie. Hoping that a two hour movie would get me about half way to spokane, I get disappointed to find that I am wrong. The greatness of Montana is that it can snow when ever it feels the need to. I finished my movie only to determine that we were stuck in the middle of Rogers Pass. We hadn't even made it to the half way mark. Being stuck on the pass did a number on the bus because the driver didn't want to put chains on. Instead, we got the joy of rocking back and forth for a while. Somehow this damaged the bus and caused it spring a leak. When we got to the half way mark, we discovered the bus was broken.

Being stuck allowed for us to stay at a gas station for three hours. Three hours of nothing! A gas station is probably the worse place to be stuck at. There is nothing to do. The highlight was eating nasty flavored jelling beans in the hope of getting something good. Boredom,  was everywhere! As much as I enjoy being near my team, I was so annoyed with them. We finally got a bus and were once again head to the meet. I was able to sleep once again but was woken up to their annoying little game.

To make this trip any worse, I was stuck with the most annoying person on the team as a roommate for the night. This kid just wouldn't shut up. Everyone in the room had the been in bed and still kept going. At one moment, we managed to lock him out of the room for some quietness.

The next day, while running a 5k, I had one of the most terrible race of my life. A mile into the race, my body was just tired. I wasn't even going hard. My body shut it self off and couldn't find a way to get thing out of my legs. This made it to where my mind just shut off. "I guess its time to get the Iron check", says the coach. Looking back, I have nothing to really improve on. It makes it really hard to run when this crap happens. I have worked so hard and just came off a good cross season. There is no reason why I should be preforming this shitty! I can't wait to have a motivation again!
  

Running for Life

Montana, the devil of state, has made it to where running is the most hardest thing ever. For me, running has become a way of life. There is never a day that I don't go with it. I love the way it feels and how accomplished it makes me feel. I have never had a passion so strong. Running has made it easier for me to go to college and it helps pay the bill. As much as I love it, there comes a time where I don't feel like I can go on. There are times where there are no motivation and no way that I want to compete. For the past few months, I have been struggling to find any form of motivation. I was able to find motivation from my team mate. However, she is no longer on the team due to certain reasons. This leaves me with with a lack of motivation. I have decided that this blog will become my motivation to run. I will run to write about my experiences, my ups, my downs, and the other in betweens.


I attend college in Montana. Montana is probably the worst state ever to be a runner in. The weather is never pleasant and it I think its the reason that I have found a lack of motivation. Weather here is harsh and unlike anything I have experienced before. Today, I was given the opportunity of getting an easy run. As a long distance runner, a long run is roughly four to six miles. On my five mile run, the wind was so harsh. I was running with two of my teammates. While we running, we were able to communicate to one another because of the wind. It sounded like a whip was being struck. It was loud, it was all over the place, and it was pushing me like a wall. While going up the flag hill, I thought I was going to crash hard. The wind just didn't want me to get up and over that hill. If I lived any where else, I would expect that the wind would be at my back when I turned around. However, in Montana, that is not a option. Montana wind is the worst because it goes in all directions at all times!!! Its by far the worst experience of my life!!